Child's Play
by Amarin Rose
Summary: YJ having fun just being kids. Impulse discovers Calvinball, Tim contemplates his sanity and joins the Galactic Rave, and everyone gets turned into animals. Now with added kittens, Christmas presents, stuffed toys, pranks, revenge and magic gone awry!
1. Don't Question The Rules

**Don't Question The Rules**

* * *

**The Official Rules Of Calvinball**: www. solitaryway. com/ calvin/ cb(underscore)rules. htm

* * *

The lawn out back of the Young Justice Resort looked as if Myxpitlyk had come to play, and had forgotten to take his toys home with him. There were balls of every shape and size scattered around haphazardly, a croquet set minus the wooden balls, a pile of tennis rackets next to a volleyball net, two kites stuck in a tree, over a dozen cans of silly string in varying colors, and the Supercycle, despite its love of games of all kinds, was suspiciously absent.

Superboy and Impulse were in the center of what Robin was privately calling the Third Ring of Chaos. Both of them were out of costume, each wearing plain jeans and T-shirts…

…and one of Robin's spare masks.

The game they were playing did not appear to have any clearly defined rules. As Robin had been watching them for over twenty minutes – after discovering the masks missing from his room – he felt sure that he would have noticed anything to the contrary, and he hadn't. Superboy and Impulse just seemed to be performing random acts of weirdness in the same place, though they seemed to center around the croquet set, and…

Oh. Random. Unspecified. Deity. Robin knew what his two teammates were up to. And the state of events did not bode well for anyone's continuing sanity.

Robin watched as Superboy tapped Impulse on the head – more like swatted him over the head – with a yellow flag, and then said something which made Impulse slump. The speedster then proceeded to **walk**, and walk **slowly**, towards a nearby croquet fence.

"What's going on?" Secret asked in a whisper, hovering behind Robin, who in turn, was hiding behind a tree, far out of sight of their frolicking teammates.

"Impulse has discovered Calvinball," Robin told her, intonation as full of dread as the situation warranted, which was very.

Secret blinked, horror etched across her smoky features. "Oh…fudgesicle."

Indeed.


	2. When I Grow Up

**When I Grow Up**

* * *

Tim Drake was thinking of writing his autobiography (under a pseudonym, of course; perhaps Robin Goth, it appealed to his sense of the ridiculous), entitled _My Life as a Superhero, and How I Kept From Going Super Nuts_.

The only problem he anticipated was that he wasn't entirely certain he'd reach his majority with his sanity even **mostly** intact.

Coming from the future where he'd been exposed to a great deal of information that had not yet been discovered, and remembering it all with his eidetic memory did nothing but give Bart a larger vocabulary than most and a greater amount of knowledge with which to cause trouble. Kon was his partner in making mischief and mayhem, and his tactile telekinesis just made situations stickier. Sometimes – especially when Jell-O or silly string was involved – literally.

They were acting like children. And while, technically, if one were going by chronological age, they **were** children, it still wasn't proper superhero behavior to wrap Red Tornado up like a mummy with toilet paper. It annoyed Reddy and wasted the toilet paper.

Even if it had made Traya laugh.

And every time Bart and Kon played Calvinball across the grounds of the resort – a game only made more ludicrous by the addition of superpowers – Tim felt his sanity slipping even further away. He still shuddered every time he even **thought **about thinking about what had laughingly come to be known in superhero circles as 'The Noodle Incident.'

He liked his friends – loved them, probably, though he skittered away from thinking about that terminology in relationship to…well…anyone – but sometimes he wished they'd just grow up.

"Hey, Rob!" Kon called, snapping Tim out of his thoughts. The third Robin looked up to where Superboy was hovering over his head, a manic grin on his face. "Cissie's back, and she and Cassie and 'Nita are teaching Traya how to play hide and seek." He wiggled his eyebrows comically. "They're all in civvies, and Bart's got some water balloons left over, so I'm thinking…Wet T-Shirt Contest." His grin widened, and become lecherous. "You coming?"

Cissie would come out of retirement just long enough to shoot them all in the ass. Cassie would pound them all into a pulp, and then dig up some ancient Greek torture to use on them. Anita would do that voodoo that she did so well, and they'd all probably end up dressed like Playboy bunnies in the midst of battle one day – or, more likely, some form of torment that she **hadn't** already used.

All of which were very good reasons **not** to go along with this. Which was why Tim was so startled to find himself replying, "I'm in." At Kon's surprised smirk, he couldn't regret it. Even if the girls **would** have their revenge.

He probably wasn't going to get out of the superhero business still sane. But at least he'd have some nice memories when he ended up in Arkham Asylum.


	3. Ravelers

**Ravelers**

* * *

Tim had no idea how he'd let himself be talked into this. Going to the 'Galactic Rave' with Superboy was possibly not one of his brighter moves. He also had no idea how Kon had managed to convince Aura to allow him into the metas-only club. Kon had been insistent that 'Alvin' needed to have fun, which was nothing Tim hadn't heard before, nothing he hadn't **handled** before, but this time…

Well, this time the lure was not only of 'fun,' but also fun of the type where Batman wouldn't find out. There were, in fact, some places that Oracle's spy network couldn't reach, and off-planet was one of them.

If they were even on a planet. Tim still hadn't figured out if the Galactic Rave was another dimension in and of itself, or just a pocket of theirs. He figured it didn't really matter either way, as long as the hand stamps worked the way they were supposed to and he and Kon were able to get home once they were partied out.

He had a feeling that Kon would still be raving even after he was exhausted beyond all measure.

"C'mon, Rob, loosen up!" Kon shouted, dancing by with two green-skinned fluffy women wound around him like very sexy feather boas. "Live a little. Have some **fun**." He grinned at his dance partners and started grinding back and forth between the two of them, causing them to let out simultaneous high-pitched giggles.

Tim blinked as he realized that Kon was actually only dancing with one woman – one with two heads, and four arms and legs, true, but still one woman. All around him were countless people, humans and aliens alike, dancing to the beat of unidentifiable music, living the rave life and enjoying themselves to the fullest.

And here Tim Drake was, sitting on a barstool, drinking the intergalactic equivalent of herbal tea. It wasn't that he didn't know how to dance, or didn't like to – he did know how to dance, and not just ballroom style, and dancing was as close to flying as one could get on the ground… But surrounded as he was by people who apparently had ball bearings or roller beads for hips – people who could give Dick a run for their money in the flexibility department – well, it was understandable that Tim felt a bit…inadequate…as a prospective dance partner.

A woman bumped into him, rousing him from his contemplation of the crow. She smiled, revealing a mouthful of pointed teeth, and shot him a seductive look from her four eyes. She was covered with mirrored scales, shades of pink, purple, and blue glinting in the strobe lights. And those scales appeared to be the extent of her wardrobe.

Maybe this hadn't been such a bad idea, Tim thought as he gestured towards the dance floor. The woman nodded excitedly and tugged him to her as they swayed into the throng of ravers.

Tim still had no idea how he'd let himself be talked into this. But he was having fun, and was actually kinda glad to be there.


	4. The Tails Of Three Superheroes

**The Tails Of Three Superheroes**

* * *

_Idea for each of the boys_'_ animal forms swiped from lj user ficbyzee._

* * *

"I would have thought that Tim would be a Bat," Cassie said, snuggling said slinky black kitten in her arms.

"No, mon, he'd be a bird," Anita objected, idly scratching between Kon's thickly-furred ears. "Robin, y'know."

Cissie just shrugged and continued cuddling with Bart. She'd never condoned making fur coats out of poor helpless animals, but now she could completely understand why chinchilla pelts were so expensive. They were so **soft**. Even though she half-thought that Bart was enjoying being petted just a bit **too** much – he was vibrating gently in her lap – she couldn't make herself stop. Touching him was addictive.

Besides, watching the other girls deal with Tim and Kon was definitely a spectator sport. There was no reason to put herself in the path of wanton destruction. Especially now that she was out of the superhero game.

Tim hissed as Cassie rubbed his fur the wrong way. Cassie cringed at the claw swipe that didn't actually hurt her arm, and then watched mournfully as Tim bounded away from her and across the floor, his tail twitching madly. He climbed nimbly up the bookshelf housing Snapper's comic book collection, and tucked himself into a shadowed corner on the top, where he could lurk and keep his slitted blue eyes on everything. And everyone.

Anita was just thankful that the boys seemed to still retain most of their human minds. Otherwise she'd be afraid to leave them alone for even a moment. As it was, she was just glad that they all seemed to accept having to go to the bathroom outside.

Well, except for Tim. But she'd actually heard of people who'd trained their cats to use the toilet, and if any human-turned-feline could manage it, it was Tim.

Anita would be happier if Kon would quit drooling so much, but dogs sweated through their tongues, and he was currently a husky with a full winter coat – in June. She just couldn't help but feel somewhat sorry for him. As Superboy, he had never had to deal with extreme heat before – or any other kind of discomfort. As for Slobo…well, she'd never given much thought to what kind of animal he'd be, but despite Bart's ability to mimic the cartoon tornado, Slobo really made a much better Tasmanian Devil. It wouldn't even be so bad that he was getting rid of the resort's rodent problem the 'old-fashioned' way, if only he would quit leaving his kills at the foot of her bed like presents.

Cassie simply hoped that the boys would turn back into humans soon. All right, so it was technically her fault that they'd gotten hit by that supervillain's ray, but at least she'd kept the rest of them safe! Without the girls, there would have been no one to rescue the boys' animal selves.

It really wasn't fair. She'd always wanted a cat, but her mother's allergies had prevented her from having anything other than some fish. And Tim, even as a cat, was so…standoffish. It wasn't like she'd expected him to suddenly be all touchy-feely, but she'd thought that cats **liked** being petted. And Bart had latched onto Cissie, and Kon was too wasted from the heat – even sitting directly in front of the fan – to even hang out with her.

Yeah, the fact that the boys had been turned into animals was bad, but the fact that they were even **less** friendly like that was the real problem. Breaking news, the story of the hour was that the Justice Cubs were not at all tactile.

Ah, well. At least they'd all gotten Polaroids for eventual blackmail.


	5. Faux Pas De Deux

**Faux Pas De Deux**

* * *

"Well…this brings back memories," Kon said dryly, eyeing the sparkly, poofy pink skirt now around his waist. The matching leotard was a pale shade of blue emblazoned with a glittery gold S edged in feathers, and the whole ensemble looked like some cracked out ballet dancer's idea of a Supergirl costume. An idiot goon with more bravado than sense laugh raucously and rushed Kon. Superboy smashed him headfirst into the alley wall.

Robin grunted his assent and high-kicked one of the thugs they were fighting. His leotard was red, with a yellow-gold skirt and green tights, and he was pretty sure his mask had sequins on it. It was only mildly less embarrassing than the first Robin costume, but only mildlyoy bunny outfits were easier to fight in, though," he said, disgruntled with the way his slippers kept him from using his feet to their maximum capacity. The high heels, at least, had been stilettos, and the sharp points had hurt their assailants immensely.

"Yeah, I liked the ears better, too!" Bart said, zipping up next to them in his red and gold tutu, complete with feathered goggles. He swiped the ribbons from all their altered costumes and used them to tie the thugs up.

Robin thought about pointing out that they might need them when their costumes changed back, then thought better of it as he realized that he didn't have his utility belt, or the zip-strips therein. Besides, there was a more important issue to address. "But what I want to know is what the two of you did to piss Anita off **this** time," Robin said, his tone of voice brooking no denials.

Bart just shrugged, most likely knowing what they'd done, but not knowing why it had pissed Anita off. He was rather naïve that way. Hopefully, he'd grow out of it, and soon.

Grinning sheepishly, Kon defended himself with, "I didn't think she'd get **this** angry. After all, she only kicked my ass for running her underwear up the flagpole."

Robin's eyes narrowed at this information, and his glare held the heat of at least a half a dozen **red** suns as he demanded, "What. Did. You. Do?"

Kon's lips flattened out and his eyes skittered away from Robin's burning gaze. He declined to answer.

Bart shrugged, and said, "We used the girls' underwear to make a tail for our kite." At Robin's wide-eyed look, he added, "I guess we should've asked first, huh?"

Robin just groaned and buried his face in his hands. Bart could maybe be excused, but Superboy, at least, was old enough to know better.

And, apparently, still too young to care.


	6. Some Things Are Weird

**Some Things Are Weird**

* * *

"Mew!"

Slobo blinked open his eyes blearily, and woke up to find himself face to face with…something. Some sort of creature, small and brown with darker stripes. It was of the four-footed mammalian variety and reminded him of something he – well, Lobo – used to eat raw on that diner in the Venga system.

That creature had had eight legs and long ears, though.

It went, "Meow!" almost plaintively, and Slobo had no clue what the thing could want. Why was it in his room to begin with? For that matter, **how** had it gotten in? He coulda sworn he'd locked the door.

"What the frag?" he grumbled groggily and sat up, absently catching the creature as it tumbled from his chest with an irritated noise. He'd prefer to just throw the thing off him, but for all he knew it was a new teammate or…something. Possibly a pet of some sort; humans did that, didn't they? Kept small animals around as companions? He examined its neck, looking for a collar or something, but couldn't find anything.

Its fur was kinda soft, though, and felt nice to rub, and then the creature started making this sort of rumbling sound, like his bike – his old bike – when it was revved up, only softer.

Huh. Cool.

"There you are!" came the sound of Anita's voice, and Slobo had to hide a grin. The girl was hot, and kinda cool, and she wasn't weirded out by his badassery, so that made her more than okay in Slobo's books.

"Hey, babe, I ain't been hidin'," Slobo said. "This is my room, after all." Granted, 'Nita was pretty much the only one who actually sought him out there, but still.

Anita's skin wasn't really light enough to see the blush – and even if it were, his eyes weren't good enough to see it – but her embarrassed tone of voice said it all. "Oh, Slobo! I, uh, wasn't talkin' 'bout you, mon. I was talking about Mocha there."

Slobo blinked at her, and then blinked down at the creature in his lap. It was still making that rumbling sound, mostly because he was sort of rubbing its ears. Well, why not? It felt nice. "This little thing?"

Anita nodded, and made as if to hold out her hands for the creature, then stopped short, as she apparently noticed that the creature wasn't frightened of him. She smirked. "Well, well, well… Never woulda guessed that you liked kittens, mon."

Frowning, Slobo said, "This thing here is a 'kittens'?" What was a kittens? Wasn't mocha a type of coffee?

"Kitten, singular," she said, looking at him bemusedly. "You've never seen a kitten before?"

Slobo shook his head. "Didn't really have time fer sight-seein' the other times I – Lobo – was on Earth." Really didn't. Lobo liked to frag stuff. Not like he didn't, but… Lobo wasn't a nice guy. Slobo wasn't, either, but when Anita smiled at him like she was at that moment…

Slobo thought it wouldn't be so bad to fake it.

"Well, kittens are baby cats," Anita explained. "Traya found a box of 'em up at her school, and she and Cissie brought 'em by. The kittens can't stay in their dorm room, for obvious reasons, but they haven't found homes for 'em yet."

"So we're…kitten-sitting?" Slobo asked.

"Yup. Probably not for very long, though," she was quick to reassure him. Slobo and Secret were the only full-time residents of the resort, so if the kittens hadn't found new homes by Sunday evening, he'd have to look after them.

"Hmmf. Whatever," Slobo grumbled, secretly pleased. Secret wasn't much for conversation, what with all the holes in her memories, and it might be nice to have a pet.

Temporarily. Long-term attachments were just too…weird. Especially considering his situation.

"How many are there?" he asked, determined to take his mind off his troubles. And to keep Anita there as long as possible.

"There's five of them," Anita replied promptly. "Mocha, Java, Cappuccino, Creamsicle and Churro. Mocha's a girl, Java's a boy, real dark brown–"

"Like you?" Slobo asked, trying to get a mental picture of these 'kittens.'

He felt the swish of air as Anita nodded, and Mocha reached out to bat at her swinging hair. "Yeah, mon, almost exactly the same color." She giggled as she picked Mocha up and started cuddling him. "He likes to play with my hair, too."

"A critter after my own heart," Slobo said, only he wasn't exactly joking. Still, it'd probably never really work, even if she **had** gone on a date with his other self.

Anyway, it was kinda cool just being friends with a girl. Kinda weird, too. But cool.

Snorting, Anita went on in her litany of kittens, "Cappuccino is a boy, tannish, no stripes. Creamsicle is a girl, mottled orange and white, and Churro's sort of reddish brown and plump."

"Iz there a reason they're all named after food?" Slobo asked. He was getting kinda hungry, actually. He wondered if there were any Ding-Dongs in the kitchen?

Anita shook her head. "I don't know. Probably. Traya named 'em, so I guess she was goin' with a theme."

Slobo grunted. "So, whadda we do with 'em now?" Animals needed to be fed and watered, right?

"Feed 'em, I guess," Anita replied, shrugging. "C'mon, I'll show you where everything is, just in case they have to stay here next week."

"All right," Slobo agreed with put-upon reluctance, heaving himself up off the couch and following her out the door. Kittens were weird, but kinda cool.

Anita rolled her eyes at him, knowing his game.

Just like Anita.


	7. A Real Whodunit

**A Real Whodunit**

* * *

No one knew who had done it. Most people thought Bart, or maybe Cissie. Possibly even Kon, with the help of Cassie. No one thought it was Robin.

The entirety of Young Justice had woken up Christmas morning to find a whole lot of presents underneath their tree. Ones that hadn't been there the night before. And when no one would own up to having delivered them, speculation ran wild. Everyone from Superman to the actual Santa Claus, and even supervillains pulling a Trojan Horse, was considered.

For all of about ten minutes; then Bart's impatience to open their presents rubbed off on everyone else and they dove into the pile of brightly colored packages.

Anita got a snake, a venomous one. Well, actually, she got a certificate saying that the new Egyptian asp at the New Orleans State Zoo was named 'Empress' and a pass card that let her come by and visit her whenever she wanted.

Bart got a handheld videogame that could actually keep up with how fast he could play. It came complete with an entire gross of batteries, since the game burned through them really fast. Included was a series of games that, apparently came from the thirtieth century. Along with a note from his mother wishing him a Merry Christmas.

No one had ever seen Bart cry before.

Cassie got a book of Amazonian art, along with a traditional Grecian toga. She immediately went to change, and when she got back, Kon cracked a joke about wondering if she wore the toga traditionally: i.e., with no underwear. Cassie promptly smacked him upside the head and told him that was Scottish kilts, worn by men.

Cissie got vouchers for a mother-daughter trip to a spa, and a mix CD to listen to during times her mother became too annoying.

Kon's present was in a large manila envelope. When he opened it, he just started at the contents for long enough that everyone grew worried about it. The envelope turned out to contain a birth certificate, one issued for Kon-El, AKA Superboy, and declaring him 'born' in Metropolis three years previously, but with an addendum that he had had accelerated aging, and so appeared sixteen. Also included were citizenship papers naming him a citizen of the state of Hawaii.

Reddy got a _Dads for Dummies _book, with relevant passages (Time spent with your children is never wasted…) marked. Every highlighted sentence was something that he already practiced in regards to Traya.

Practically the whole book was outlined in neon blue.

Robin received a bunch of various technological…**things**. No one else could tell what they were, but he seemed even more pleased with his presents than Kon was with his. If that was possible, which was doubtful.

Slobo got his very own pet: an iguana. He glared at it, and it stared placidly back until Slobo gave up trying to intimidate something cold-blooded. It remained motionless for over an hour, throughout the rest of their Christmas party, only snapping out its tongue to catch flies off the wall, and finally Slobo let Traya name it.

Perversely, Slobo was rather pleased with her choice of 'Fuzzy.'

Snapper got three new shirts for his fanboy collection: Batman, Arsenal, and Changeling. Also, Flamebird's autograph.

Secret got half a dozen Disney DVDs. She gasped and squealed over them, hugging them to her like they were more precious than gold. Apparently they were all her favorite movies from when she was alive.

Traya got a set of limited edition superhero beanie babies and an encyclopedia set. She was even more exuberant in her joy than Secret had been, and promptly went around thanking each and every person in the room, since no one had been able to figure out who sent the gifts.

No one thought it was Robin who sent the gifts. Well, 'Alvin Draper' had bought the presents, and 'Tim Drake' had snuck out of his room at half-past three AM to deliver them, but still, it was Robin.

And no one knew.

Robin smirked into his hot cocoa and basked in the sounds of happy friends. That was just the way he liked it.


	8. The Toys Are Back In Town

**The Toys Are Back In Town**

* * *

"You're kidding, right?"

"Nope," Secret said, shaking her head, wisps of coffee-colored fog trailing into little question mark curls around her face.

Snapper scratched his head, his dumbfounded expression coming through clear over the airwaves, even with the staticy interference. "You guys are really fighting an army of…?"

"Stuffed toys," Secret agreed. A giant dragon flew overhead with Slobo riding it like a bucking bronco. Secret winced as Slobo caught the cotton 'fire' it shot out of its mouth and stuffed it back inside the dragon, via its stomach. Then she sighed, turned off her communicator and went to rescue Slobo from his fall before the flock of tweeting birds pecked themselves to an early grave on the Czarnian's rock-liked skin.

"This is insane," Anita growled as she fought off five chubby little Ewoks armed with light-sabers. Fake, mostly, though her still sword couldn't cut through them. Also, they were baring sharply vicious teeth at her.

Robin bopped a random stuffed mole on the head and tried not to outwardly agree with Empress. He worked with a guy who liked bats and regularly fought criminals that dressed up as plants and clowns, yet fighting a herd of My Little Ponys set him back? Weak.

"Kon, couldn't you use that fabled TTK of yours to crush them?" Bart asked. Even he was getting bored with constantly having to make the plush toys explode with his vibrational powers. And he had to use different frequencies for all of them, oh, and he could only do one or two at a time because of that. "You always go on and on and on about it…"

"Yeah, Kon; we've got the heavy artillery," Robin said, hammering down a line of toy soldiers with his staff. "Can you deal with the cuddly toys?"

"These are no ordinary cuddly toys, Brave Sir Robin…who some call…'Alvin,'" Kon joked as he was mobbed by a horde of plush bunnies. "These bunnies have got vicious streaks a mile wide and huge, sharp–" Kon shook his head and smirked. "What am I saying? One rabbit stew, coming right up!"

Five minutes later, Superboy stood in the middle of a field full of white cotton batting and polyester stuffing. Tiny Styrofoam beans rained down around everyone, a veritable plastic snow.

"Whoa," Anita said, blinking as a synthetic butterfly, one of the few animated playthings to survive Kon's wrath, landed on her nose.

"Dude…" Bart agreed, eyes wide as saucers behind his goggles.

Kon just folded his arms over his chest, looking insufferably smug.

Cassie blew a stray lock of hair out of her face as she dug her way out of a mound of desiccated teddybears. "Yeah, Kon, great job…" she said, giving a polite golf clap. It didn't do to feed the Super-teen's ego too much.

Surveying the fluffy carnage, Ray winced. "Uh, yeah, that's great and all, but…who's going to clean this up?"

Kon's face fell, and he looked around at the formerly pristine Toys 'R Us warehouse, now messier than the bottom of Bart's sock drawer, and devoid of the nefarious unnamed villain with the magical wand that animated the inanimate. He dropped to his knees, burying his face in his hands and whimpering as the others laughed.

Robin just snickered, glad that he was no longer the leader, and thus, no longer had to deal with motivating the rest of the team to do their job.


	9. Hearth And Home

**Hearth And Home**

* * *

The snow had fallen thick and fast over the Catskills, covering everything in sight of the Young Justice resort in just a few hours. The members of the team had gone to sleep with the whistle of a cold wind blowing in their ears, and had woken up to a veritable winter wonderland. The pristine beauty of the sparkling white snow took everyone's breath away.

Everyone, except for those who saw it as a new and exciting playground and field of battle.

"Snowball fight?" Kon declared, adding, "Bart's on my team," before flying fast towards the large lumps of ice that hid the trees.

Even though Tim wanted to enjoy a quiet novel by a roaring fire in the rec room fireplace, he wasn't going to be 'left out in the cold', as it were. "Me too!" he called, tromping quickly through the snow after them.

Slobo had left on one of his irregular jaunts to no-one-knew-where (and no one wanted to ask, either) when the first cold snap happened, and Cissie wasn't there, either. Which meant that the current members of Young Justice could have even teams, boys against girls.

With Kon shaping a large snow fort in minutes using his TTK, and Bart supplying their snow arsenal at super-speed, which snowballs they would deploy using Tim's Bat-tactics, the boys seemed a cinch to win.

The girls, however, had determination on their side. Determination, Secret's powers, and the Supercycle to be **their** fortress.

The battle was fierce and long-lasting, snowy missiles flying every-which-way. People occasionally fell under friendly fire, and when Anita created a catapult out of fallen tree branches with her magic, even Kon fell under the weight of the white frosty stuff. It was only when Cassie shoved snow down Robin's pants and noticed that his lips were turning blue, that the game was called to a halt.

It was hard to figure out who won, since everyone seemed to be a similar state of disarray, even Bart. Finally, Tim said, through chattering teeth, "T-the S-su-supercyle's still moving, and o-our f-fo-fortress is toast. The girls win."

It was more of a pyrrhic victory, however, as the girls ended up nursemaiding Tim through a very bad cold that weekend. Bart couldn't even manage to heat up canned soup, and Kon had to keep repairing the resort's heating system, since he was the only one that knew how to do home repairs.

But, in the evenings, they gathered in the rec room around a roaring fire, big mugs of hot cocoa in hand, and exchanged stories they'd heard of far-off places, leaving the superhero stuff for another time. The weather outside was pretty frightful, almost as much as the villains they fought, but inside, they had the warmth of hearth and home to make them feel safe, and the company of friends kept them happy.


	10. Dirty Deeds Done Squeaky Clean

**Dirty Deeds Done Squeaky Clean**

* * *

"Peee-yew! Man, 'Bo, you reek!" Kon held his nose and backed away from the Czarnian.

"I do not!" Slobo raised his left arm and sniffed the pit. "I'm just a little ripe, that's all."

"Overripe, you mean," Anita said, almost gagging on the stench even though she was halfway across the room. No one had noticed at first, but then a heatwave had come over the entire Northeastern seaboard, and the A/C had been acting up at the resort all week. "When was the last time you bathed, mon?"

Slobo appeared confused by the question. "Uh…I got thrown in the ocean in that battle with the Crustacean King?" Personally, he felt Aquaman should have taken care of his own baddies, but he was always down for fraggin'.

Cassie was aghast. "That was over a month ago!"

Slobo shrugged. "So?" As long as there wasn't so much crud caked on him that no one could recognize him, what did he care? Good clean dirt smelled better than all that girly-scented soap and stuff in the locker rooms, anyway.

"So, you stink, dude," Bart said, with his usual lack of tact. He held his nose between his fingers, having discovered that vibrating in place only thinned the odor a small bit, and that it was forming a hole in the flooring besides. "And none of us can stand to be around you when you stink."

Again Slobo shrugged. "So?" He didn't really mind if the rest of the team stayed away from him. Most of them already did.

Except Anita, but she was…different. And Secret, but then she didn't have a sense of smell, which probably explained why she wasn't complaining.

Robin sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Unlike Impulse, he was doing it to stave off a headache; he'd already rubbed some peppermint oil on his upper lip and was unable to smell anything except that spicy scent. Unfortunately, with the way he – along with everyone else – was sweating, he'd have to reapply it soon, and he'd be out of oil before the weekend was over. Something had to be done, and Tim knew just the thing. Turning to Superboy, he said, "Kon, do you remember that plan I mentioned to you?"

Kon's eyes lit up with a disturbing gleam of satisfaction, amusement, and plain old mischief. "Sure do, Rob."

And this was how Slobo found himself suddenly held immobile by an invisible force. Invisible, but not unnamable – Kon-El's patented tactical telekinesis. "Hey! Whaddya frails think you're doing?" he demanded.

"Getting you clean," Tim told him before he turned to Superboy. "C'mon, this way."

He and Kon led a trail of bemused and amused teammates towards the boys' showers where one spigot was already spraying down steaming water. When Kon just shoved Slobo underneath the water, Tim clucked his tongue warningly. "No, don't forget the soap."

"Soap?" Slobo spluttered through the water. He hated soap! The Top Teen did not use soap!

Slobo tried vainly to run backwards out of Kon's grip. Kon just slapped TTK manacles on his legs as well. When Slobo started to complain, his mouth got similar treatment.

Bart held up the gallon-sized jug of anti-bacterial soap. He zipped over to Slobo and sniffed cautiously of the now-wet Czarnian, then gagged. "Are you sure this's gonna be enough, Rob?"

"There's two more jugs in the closet." Robin waved to Bart, and the speedster obligingly dumped a quarter of the yellowy-green gel onto Slobo. This caused Slobo to wriggle and squirm even more, but he definitely wasn't going anywhere.

"You might want to close your eyes, dude," Kon warned him and Slobo felt the water come even closer and start to fall onto his upraised arms. The telekinetic gag was removed and Slobo growled.

"I'll get youse guys fer this!" he swore. At their laughs, he grinned inwardly. Oh yeah, he'd get 'em. And get 'em good.


	11. The Quick And The Dead Tired

**The Quick And The Dead Tired**

* * *

Tim Drake had only one unfrayed nerve left, and Bart Allen was on it. As soon as he found out who gave Bart so much sugar that he literally couldn't seem to slow down, let alone stop, he was going to put the perpetrator through so many training sessions that death would seem like a sweet and even welcome release.

And when he found out who put Bart up to repainting and repairing every single bit of the resort, he was going to maim them. It didn't matter that the whole team had been inconvenienced, whoever it was, was going to pay for their current situation. Possibly also the repairs of the repairs. Some of the repairs Bart had done had been performed perfectly, such as the reshingling of the roof and the installation of new locks, but Bart was going much too fast on the painting, and most of that would have to be redone.

Bart wasn't using any rhyme or reason to dictate which rooms got what colors; he'd used five different colors in the rec room alone. Bart also didn't seem to have much idea of what colors went well together. The walls in Tim's room were a bright medium blue with canary yellow trim. The walls in Kon's room were a deep, almost red, fuchsia with orange trim. Cassie had lucked out with pale and dark purples, but Anita had ended up with a brownish green that looked like puke in a good light.

In a bad light…it looked like something that came from the **other** end of the human body.

Tim uselessly shook one gloved hand, trying in vain to remove the rainbow-colored paint splatters from the Kevlar. He glowered from behind his now yellow and pale blue mask when it didn't work; he hadn't gotten out of the rec room quick enough to escape from being covered in random paint splotches and he now resembled an assortment of Easter Peeps more than his usual Robiny self.

And what was worst was that Bart had been at it since sunrise, and despite it now being midnight he'd shown no sign of slowing down.

"Man, I'm **tired**! When is Imp gonna stop?" Kon complained, slumping back against the trunk of a tree. They were all hiding out in the forest that night, planning on sleeping in the Supercycle if Bart didn't quit soon.

Cassie glared at Kon and then burrowed back underneath her pillow, hugging one of her stuffed animals to her chest as she tried to sleep through the din of Bart's spring-fixing. She and Anita had managed to rescue most of their possessions from their rooms before the paint had started flying; the others hadn't been so lucky.

Tim was thankful that at least Bart had remembered to lay down dropcloths. Once Bart was clamed down, he could probably vibrate the bad paint off the walls, but the floors would have been a complete loss.

"I don't know, SB. He might be at it all weekend," Tim said, feeling there was no reason to hide the truth. A lie, no matter how comforting, would quickly become apparent.

Groaning, Kon slammed his head back against the tree, until there was a loud _CRACK! _It wasn't his head; it was the poor tree.

Deep in the darkness of the forest, Slobo laughed. This'd teach them frails to make him take a bath!


	12. Cute Changes And Disastrous Dividends

**Cute Changes And Disastrous Dividends**

* * *

"Aww, he's so cute!" Cassie said as she chucked the child under the chin. Said child grinned and waved one chubby fist.

Kon was seriously amused at the sight of their intrepid leader as a toddler. "I dare you to say that to Tim when he's back to normal."

"Me too, mon," Anita snorted. No, she was **not** going to apologize for accidentally turning Tim into a toddler. He was the one who hadn't bothered to wait for her to answer his knock on her door, and he was the one who walked in on her spell-casting practice.

"Er…" Cassie stared down at baby Robin, currently 'dressed' in one of Traya's T-shirts that had been shrunk in the wash. Bad enough that he'd be impossible to live with once he found out he'd worn Hello Kitty merchandise; no need to exacerbate matters by telling him how cute he'd looked. "Maybe not."

But he **was** adorable.

"When is he going to change back?" Secret asked as she made smoke-shapes for Tim to play with. He seemed to recognize the ABCs, but he preferred the butterflies.

She thought he did, anyway. Baby Tim hadn't talked at all since he'd been miniaturized. He'd made cooing noises and some cute gurgles, but otherwise nothing.

Anita shrugged. "Shouldn't last more than a day or two."

"Will he just keeping getting older, or will he change back all at once?" Bart asked, waving a Hugga-Tugga-Thuggee beanie baby around in front of an awed Tim.

"All at once," Anita replied, and tried to stifle the urge to go run and get her camera. The blackmail potential of the last hour alone…

"Well, that's something, at least," Kon said, sighing as tiny Tim tugged again on one of the straps on his thighs.

"Whaddya mean?" Bart asked, clueless.

Kon rolled his head, detached Tim from his person and handed him over to a nonplussed Impulse. "I mean, Imp, that taking care of baby Robin here ain't gonna be no picnic."

Cissie nodded. "What are we going to feed him?" she asked, practical as always. "I don't think he has most of his teeth yet."

"Where is he going to sleep?" Cassie added. "The beds are too high; he might fall and hurt himself."

"What about clothes; I don't think Traya left anything else here," Anita threw in.

Bart and Kon just shrugged, Bart rather wincingly since Tim was tugging on his goggles. He set the tyke down, and Tim toddled over to Secret.

"Those are all good questions," Anita admitted. "What do ya think we should do?"

Everyone started to talk at once until no one could even hear themselves speak. Tim hid behind Cassie, who tried to shield him from most of the hullabaloo. Secret finally had to resort to yelling, "QUIET!" They all complied, looking rather abashed, then ashamed as they noticed the sniffling Tim.

"Thanks, Suzie," Cissie said, blushing. "I couldn't hear myself think."

"You're welcome, but, while those are good questions what was I wondering is if Robin was potty-trained." At the other's blank looks, she gestured to Tim, who was currently dancing around with an expression of distress on his face.

"Oh, whoa…" Bart said, face turning slightly green.

Kon did him one better, turning bright red, then blanching almost pure white. "No way!" he yelled, and gave Bart a literal run for his money out the front door of the resort.

The other team members also quickly scattered, leaving Secret alone with their toddler leader. Sighing, she picked tiny Tim up in a swirl of beige smoke and headed off to find either Snapper or Reddy. Preferably Reddy, since he had experience changing diapers.

But above all, she planned to find a way to pay the others back for leaving her to solve this problem.


	13. Paybacks Paid Forward

**Paybacks Paid Forward**

* * *

"I cannot **believe** he did this to us!" Cissie grumbled, tugging down the bottom of her micro-miniskirt, and failing to make it cover more than another millimeter of her thighs.

"I can," Anita said, lolling back against the alley wall and pretending she wasn't wearing bright red fishnet stockings that itched like a mother. She did summonings in the buff, so the lack of real clothing wasn't that bad, but damn these clothes were uncomfortable! She swore she'd never be able to dig the thong out of her butt.

"It's totally unfair," Cassie said as she pouted. Then she stopped pouting and frowned as she felt her very carefully applied make-up start to smudge. She didn't want to have to go through this more than once; she wanted to catch these guys today and make them pay.

Pay for ever selling drugs to little kids and making Robin aware of them at a time when Tim was trying to get revenge for them thinking he was so cute as a toddler. She got that Tim was embarrassed, but it wasn't fair of him to blame all of them for it.

Besides, Traya had thought he was adorable as well and he wasn't uncomfortable around her. And Reddy had been the one who changed all his diapers.

"Oh, yeah," Cissie agreed. She took a look around and gasped. Then groaned, and with a sigh, stuck out one leg in what Robin had instructed her was an appropriately provocative position. "Look out, guys, here they come," she murmured in an aside. It was showtime. Finally!

Anita winced, then sighed and stood up, flaunting everything she had. When that position threatened to dislocate her hip, she bent over from the waist down and pretended to adjust one of the buckled straps on her stiletto heels.

"The worst part of this is that these guys really do need to be caught," Anita muttered, thinking of the drug dealers they were targeting, and the grade-school children said scum were hooking on their newest product. If it had been a made-up mission, they could have refused. Robin had covered all his bases, however, making sure they'd end up wearing these outfits.

Cassie shook her head and smiled rather plastically at the approaching leering twenty-somethings, while leaning forward just enough to show off her cleavage. "No, the worst part is that they all have a thing for trampy Harley Quinn look-alikes," she hissed under her breath, before bravely stepping forward to greet their 'suitors'. She was an Amazon, and she wasn't going to back down from a challenge, no matter how vile. Just a few minutes of making nice with the marks, then she and the other girls would haul them off someplace where they could beat them until they talked.

But she would make Tim pay for this. And vengeance would be **sweet**.


	14. Fruity Badness, With A Cherry On Top

**Fruity Badness, With A Cherry On Top**

* * *

"Surely you can't be serious." Kon couldn't believe **he** was the one who had to point that out to Bart.

Because Tim was **helping** him.

"We are serious," Robin replied, then smirked. "And don't call me Shirley."

"Better than Alvin," Kon shot back, and felt like he was missing something. Was that a line from a book he hadn't read, and the scientist at CADMUS hadn't put into his brain? Maybe a movie?

"What about Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca the third?" Bart suggested. He blinked, then got a wide smile on his face as a thought occurred to him. "Hey, what about putting bananas in the next batch?"

Robin considered the peaches in question, round and plump and covered with the slight fuzz that indicated ripeness. He then considered the platter of half-finished edibles in front of them. "We'd have to take out the peaches because I don't think those two fruits go well together."

"You're **both** fruits and you deserve each other," Kon said, then flew off to fume. The two of them had spent the entire afternoon making a variety of ten-layer 'cakes' out of fresh fruit that Bart had gotten from who-knew-where, which they planned to serve for dinner. Except, at the rate they were going, all the members of Young Justice were going to be eating fruit for all three meals and even snacks until they felt like fruit themselves.

Kon scowled and flew faster, heading for the nearest Baskin Robbins. Just because he'd served deep-fried Twinkies as a snack last weekend was no reason for Robin and Impulse to gang up on him. They should have been **thanking** him for taking the girls' minds off of revenge – well, Robin should have. They'd all been so preoccupied trying to figure out how to work off the thousand calories of death in their new favorite treat that they hadn't had time to plan Robin's imminent humiliation, and by the time they'd figured out everything, diet-wise, they'd been a lot less angry.

Though the fudge sauce in Robin's shampoo had been inspired, and the resulting porcupine-hair on their fearless leader had been absolutely **priceless**.

Smirking as a wicked idea occurred to him, Kon made a note to himself to stop by a grocery store on the way back to the resort and pick up some bottles of chocolate and caramel and butterscotch sauce. And lots of whipped cream. Maybe even a jar of maraschino cherries.

If he had to eat fruit, he'd make sure there was plenty of **dessert**.


	15. Reading On Rainy Days

**Reading On Rainy Days**

* * *

Slobo glared out the window and growled for the fourth time in as many minutes.

Anita, interrupted in mid-sentence once again, turned to the last Czarnian. "What's wrong, mon?" she asked, purposely letting her frustration show. Slobo had no patience for niceties; getting angry with him always got him to do things faster than trying to be polite.

He slid her a glance, then hunched in on himself. "It's raining." He grunted and continued to glare out the window.

"Yeah, so?"

Letting out a deep sigh, Slobo toed the ground and admitted, "I'm bored."

"Then do something." Fed up with his reticence – since when did Slobo care about what he said? – Anita shoved the Mexican food coupon she was using as bookmark into her romance novel/werewolf adventure novel and turned to face him. "Read a book." She brandished her own, wishing she was still reading it. "Play a video game, work out in the gym, or bug someone else." She gave the last suggestion more emphasis and sent a glare of her own his way.

Slobo snorted, looking like he was trying not to smile. He did that a lot when she was angry with him, like he thought it was cute or something. "I've done alla that – 'cept the last one. Ain't no one else here but me and you. And I'm still bored."

"Go outside and catch yourself a rabbit to eat, or something," Anita told him, and then turned back to her book, determined not to let him continue bothering her.

"But it's raining!" Slobo sounded positively whining, which alerted Anita to the fact that something weird was going on.

Had Harm come back and taken over Slobo? No, not unless his stay in Hell had turned him into emo wuss. "Since when do you care about getting wet or dirty?"

Slobo sent her a scathing glance. "I don't. But what's the point of getting wet if there ain't no one to bug with it?" Slobo demanded.

"What, you wanted someone to throw mud balls at?" Anita asked, incredulous.

"Yeah!" Slobo agreed, grinning madly. "If I can't frag people, then I'll just have to drive 'em nuts."

"You're already driving **me** nuts," Anita complained. "Either leave and find some bad guys to mud wrestle with or I'll lock you outside without your clothes."

"Ooooh, kinky." Slobo wiggled his eyebrows at her. "Sounds like fun. How's about it, babe: you, me, and some mud wrestling with clothing very much optional?"

Anita's answer was silent and succinct. She gave him the finger with one hand – and with the other she transported him outside, halfway up the mountain, with nothing but his socks and boots. He'd make his way down in an hour or so.

The soft, constant patter of the rain on the window lulled her irritation, and the peace Anita had been striving for all afternoon finally settled on her. Opening up her book once more, Anita continued reading about the traveling mage, and her quest for cure for her lycanthrope curse, and the barbarian werewolf that kept getting in her way.

The one nice thing about books was that if she didn't like the way the story was going, she could always stop reading. Though using her powers on Slobo did have its charms, reading a book on a rainy day was an easier way to achieve a peaceful feeling.


End file.
